{ sunday's inspiration } What is True Self? Who Am I?

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Most of the time I would like to think of myself unlike many other graduate students at Savannah College of Art and Design, yet my story may sound more like the same. As I lie in bed in the middle of the night, I can not help my mind from wondering. More than likely, I find myself pondering over what my place in this world is. I especially think about this now because in the next six months, I will be graduating. Therefore, I know I will find myself still searching for that place and ultimately will return to the most important question of who I really am.

It is hard for me to deal with such an intimate question like this and I often find myself in tears due to my confusion. Many people say that I will find my true “self” when I start having a true relationship with God. Even so, I can not help but keep my mind open if there happens to be other ways to go about finding my true “self.”

I have learned that the Hindu and Buddhist teachings of finding true “self” provide many fascinating ideas and conclusions to go about your discovery of true “self.” Although, I would have to admit that certain ideas from each tradition seem to be either easy to understand or rather difficult to comprehend due to personnel experiences. For instance, Buddhist tradition states that one does not have self, no independent soul. Therefore, the thought of having an individual soul is an illusion. If one realizes this illusion, they will have a chance to obtain enlightenment, or what Buddhist call Nirvana. In the “An Examination of Relational Condition,” from Madhyamika Karika, Nagarjuna says,

Verse 1
At nowhere and at no time can entities ever exist by originating out of themselves, from others, from both (self-other), or from the lack of causes.

Verse 2
There are four and only four relational conditions; namely primary causal, appropriating or objectively extending, sequential or contiguous, and dominantly extending conditions. There is no fifth.

Verse 3
In these relational conditions the self-nature of the entities cannot exist. From the non-existence of self-nature, other-nature too cannot exist (100).

The first verse declares that no one at any time can ever live by inventing a way out of themselves, from others, from both (self-other), or from the need of rationale. I interpret this verse as Nagarjuna stated that if anyone can think or say they have a soul or an independent identity, it is because they mentally need this reasoning as a human not because it is true. Therefore, it is just and illusion of a soul that they are seeing. The second and third verse states that the harmonious circumstances regarding self-nature from the individual cannot exist and the non-being of self-nature, other-nature too, can not exist. I think what Nagarjuna is saying is that the person thinking of their true “self” can not be a genuine thought or an actual individual person. All this thought of soul is just an illusion.

It is difficult for me to view myself believing in this theory only because I grew up in Western society as a Roman Catholic. I generally have a notion of obtaining my very own, individually wrapped, original soul. Although, allowing myself to think freely and explore different views and ideas, I can say that I understand and respect others that believe in the Buddhist theory of self and obtaining Nirvana. However, I do find myself relating to the Hindu theory of finding the true “self” more so than the Buddhist thought, only because I believe in having a soul.

In Hindu thought of true “self,” the main idea to their philosophy is to reach Moksha, meaning ultimate enlightenment. In doing so, they believe that in the quest of finding your true “self,” you are Atman, meaning true “self.” Altogether, you are being transformed by your questioning and connecting the thought of self-discovery and freedom. If you think about it, all of these questions become who you are…your essence.

In Hindu culture, one of the most radical teachings come from out of the Upanishads which say who we are is the soul of the universe. The oneness of Atman, your true “self,” and Brahman, “soul of the universe,” ultimately come together and become known as tat tvam asi, or “that you are.” Out of the starting chapter of the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, “…Even the gods cannot prevent this becoming this, for he has become their Self” (58). In other words, you have become the combination of both Atman and Brahman, leaving you to be the Absolute and even the Absolute doesn’t have control over one becoming divine.

What if Buddhist theory of true “self” is true? What if we are here on earth, containing no soul and were born out of a stream of consciousness? Then we find ourselves collecting Karma from either the good things we do as humans or bad things we do. Therefore, we end up dying and return back into a circle of being reborn as an insect, animal or plant as we spend our time burning off our Karma. Thus, we are reborn a human until we realize that having a soul is just an illusion and that it is not real. Finally, we gain enlightenment and enter Nirvana. If this is true, what is it that ultimately ends up entering Nirvana? Is it a stream of consciousness or a being of consciousness? What part of us witness’s this state of enlightenment? It is hard for me to understand this theory, because as a person who believes in having a soul, I want to know that part of me (my soul) will go onto a better place.

In conclusion, it is certainly interesting to explore different perspectives on how Hindu and Buddhist traditions come about their own theories on finding your true “self.” Learning each view has stretched my imagination and comprehension in so many ways and for that reason, I am able to look at these different theories at different perspectives. This expansion of my mind in conclusion, will help me understand these different theories of thought. As a graphic designer, we are taught to free our minds to anything and everything there is in life. In order to design for others, it is important to look at as many different perspectives that I can possibly see. Also, this stretching of the mind will help me in having more compassion for others as well as improving upon my own relationships with friends and family members.

As a student and as a human being, I have found that by learning other philosophies of true “self,” such as Hinduism and Buddhism, has enabled me to look for my true “self” in other ways. I am not perfect, although I am a part of God. I am happy that I am able to expand my mind to these different theories because I know sometimes for some people, that is the most difficult thing to do.

April Biss